This Never Happened by Kent Heckenlively

A smart, steamy book about a woman who comes to D.C. on a mission and ends up running the show

Heidi Scherzinger lives an enchanted life, almost like Forrest Gump except not at all like Forrest Gump. She, too, is in all the right places at all the right times, often meeting with people who will go down in American history. But she doesn’t play as innocent of a role as Gump does in the movie.

She is a call girl and madame in Washington D.C, arranging thrilling sexual experiences for some of the top politicians in the country and occasionally joining in on the fun. And as you can imagine, the job comes with a lot of perks. The company card is one, great friends is another, and having all of the enjoyable sex she can handle just tops everything off.

But just like in politics, things don’t typically stay good for long. As election season comes, things start to get tense in D.C. and her allegiance becomes tested. The stakes are high in Kent Heckenlively’s This Never Happened, but the pleasure is definitely higher.

A call girl can play a significant role in American history. Maybe she already has. These political men aren’t half as serious as they lead us to believe, and Heckenlively takes off that mask in such a relieving fashion. Not only is Heidi playing a big role in how things go down, in many ways she’s the one calling the shots. She plays with the big dogs, gets an “in” on so many details, and maneuvers her way into real influence in D.C. It’s not just local politicians she’s engaging with either. She’s dealing with the top Mob boss in Chicago and shaking hands with the president. Her confidence level is through the roof, and she enjoys the work she does. That, to me, is what takes this book from good to great. She’s not someone who is in it for the money or to fill a big need. She genuinely likes sex, she genuinely likes power, and to see these traits portrayed so confidently is refreshing.

Heidi, later known as Catherine Darling, goes through a few flings throughout the book. She says she falls in love a little bit with each person she sleeps with, but she maintains a kind professionalism even in her personal life that keeps men at arm’s length.

My favorite of her flings is with Mob boss Sonny Battaglia. The relationship they build over time is both romantic and super casual. It starts with him telling her that the local Chicago call girls want her whacked because she’s taking a lot of business from them and continues on to become a very balanced working and physical relationship. I was always excited to get to a chapter where they cross paths again. Luckily, there are multiple trysts for readers to choose from when it comes to favorites, all having something special about them that makes you question if any will be with her for the long haul. She definitely entices them to stick around.

Heckenlively’s book is packed with erotic and sensual scenes that are both steamy and leave you wanting more. The main character refers to herself not as a prostitute but as a courtesan, and that little differentiation kind of marks the difference between your standard erotic political thriller and this one. Heidi is always in control, even when she isn’t, and the book carries a kind of classiness about every situation despite its uncensored sexual nature. We get dozens of explicit sex scenes, but Heckenlively’s writing stays in control and avoids going down the rabbit hole of taking things too far or over-doing it. In short, I left a satisfied customer.

In addition to the romance and sex, This Never Happened is packed with thrilling political content. I stayed nervous whenever Heidi dove deeper into the political world. The Agency is the group she deals with most; it’s a vague intelligence agency where you can’t ever figure out who works for whom.

Heidi’s job is to gather up a group of women who act as call girls for politicians that visit or live in D.C. So she’s sleeping with and spying on men who play very important roles for the country. Some are presidential hopefuls, senators, Republicans, Democrats; you name it she arranges their sexual escapades. But with so many key players involved, sketchy deals end up getting made and lips become lose. Keeping up with the secrets going on, and figuring out who to trust is half the fun. Heckenlively hooks readers with the romance and keeps them riveted with countless thrills in between. There wasn’t a section I wasn’t locked into.

It’s the 70s. You can expect sex, drugs, and wild political moves in Washington D.C, and it’s a recipe for success for anyone who enjoys political fiction with a side of steamy romance.

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