The Secret Behind Ryan Gosling’s Grip On Young Men

Democrats don’t know what to make of young men, look no further than their catastrophic attempts to sanitize Graham Platner as proof, but finding a figure who resonates with guys isn’t that hard. In fact, there’s a Hollywood star whose roles always seem to connect with men. Of course, it’s Ryan Gosling.

“Project Hail Mary,” whose screen time was dominated primarily by Gosling and a puppeteered alien, scored the biggest opening weekend this year for a non-franchise film. Making $683.3 million worldwide, the movie also received 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. The film’s success is due in no small part to Gosling, who has become one of the most beloved and relatable actors in Hollywood.

Back in 2023, Gosling stole the show in “Barbie.” Gosling’s Ken struck a chord with young men across America. Guys would dance and sing to the song “I’m Just Ken,” ironically or earnestly expressing the pressures and pent up feelings a feminized America has wrought on them over the years with lyrics such as “Doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I’m always number two,” and “No one knows how hard I tried.”

Songwriter Mark Ronson, who co-wrote “I’m just Ken” with Gosling, said the song “has helped young boys emotionally.”

“The song tells boys that it’s OK to be runner-up,” Ronson said. “The internet’s caused a level of isolation in boys and this idea of male camaraderie and sharing your feelings is a nice and unexpected thing to come out of it.”

Gosling’s relatability has also turned him into a meme. In 2018, the “literally me” meme began with a post on Facebook comparing a nerdy boy on his computer to five popular male characters of the “loner” archetype. “Wow, this is literally me,” he thinks. It became wildly popular.

Gosling is now a frequent feature in variations of the meme. One person on Reddit explained it this way: “[H]e plays a lot of characters who are awkward, quiet, lonely/struggling romantically, and/or depressed (most notably the Driver in Drive and Officer K in Blade Runner 2049, but Ken fits too), and given that he’s also quite good looking, wears stylish costumes, and is portrayed as a cool badass despite those relatable flaws, he’s ripe for disaffected young men to semi-ironically, semi-not heavily relate to him.”

In the “literally me” trend, guys post jokes about their inability to talk with their female peers, loneliness, and lack of compliments, with one comment asking, “Y’all are getting compliments at all???”

Through internet culture, this loner archetype evolved into the “sigma male,” a romanticized version of the lone wolf. Alt-right writer Theodore Beale coined the term in 2010. “They are characterized by their autonomy, self-sufficiency, and preference for solitude, making them intriguing figures who don’t fit neatly into established social categories,” Beale said.

Young men connect with Gosling so well because his characters in films such as “Drive” and “Blade Runner 2049” are alone, can’t express their feelings, and struggle to find love. This pain of inadequacy and isolation is romanticized. Gosling’s roles idealize being alone, fully self-sufficient, and not “needing” anyone.

But that life is actually exhausting, and you can see this exhaustion played out. Gosling is the face of the “modern loner” with a thousand-yard stare.

“He’s not just one guy,” the host of Reel Emotion said. “He’s everyone who’s ever looked out a window and wondered if anyone cared.”

The pain of Gosling’s characters in these films is further amplified by the fact that they remain alone, the world reminding them that it’s “not for them.”

“That’s why people keep editing Ryan Gosling in all these sad edits,” Reel Emotion said. “To impersonate something that we’ve all felt.”

Lately, Gosling’s films have shifted from merely relatable to more aspirational. Gosling’s move from lone-wolf characters to men who find happiness in relationships comes after his marriage in 2022. In an interview, Gosling said becoming a father changed his perspective on his career, making him want to create films that he can bring his whole family to.

“Project Hail Mary,” he said in an interview, is “so hopeful as well, which, I think, is what I really responded to. This idea of ‘okay enough with the dystopian future ideas that are so bleak and offer no solutions.’”

Journalist Anthony Breznican wrote for Esquire that “Project Hail Mary” is actually about “male loneliness.” Men specifically struggle with forming and maintaining deep friendships with other men.

“We believe in that old maxim, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed,’ and we’re there for that 100 percent, as long as we’re not the one ‘in need,’” Breznican said.

In the film, Dr. Ryland Grace, played by Gosling, sounds like many lonely young men today.

“I didn’t have much of a social life back when things were normal,” Grace says. “Sometimes I’d grab dinner with other faculty and staff at the school. I’d have the occasional Saturday-night beer with old college friends.”

Then, Grace finds “Rocky,” an unlikely alien friend reminiscent of E.T. They develop a deep connection that stems from each of them bearing the weight of a civilization on his shoulders. With a seemingly impossible task and a shared mission, they develop a bond.

The 2024 film “The Fall Guy,” an action-packed comedy with a surprisingly well-designed plot, is similarly driven by a relationship. Gosling’s character, Colt Seavers, starts out in a wonderful relationship with Jody Moreno, “the girl of his dreams,” until he gets in an accident that ruins his stuntman career. Then, he hides and abandons her. When they get reintroduced, there’s tension and a lot of effort from Seavers to heal the relationship matched by plenty of distrust from Moreno.

Seavers works to save her production and clear his name, which culminates in a confession of his feelings toward her. This scene is the moment he finally decides to be vulnerable, expressing how stuntmen are trained to be “invincible” and never admit to pain, always giving the thumbs-up.

Journalist Jeffery Zaslow wrote in the Wall Street Journal that guys tend to form bonds by doing things together. They don’t often share their emotions or insecurities with each other, but will with their wife or close female friends. This dynamic plays out in “The Fall Guy” and “Project Hail Mary.” Seavers confesses his love for Jody; Grace sacrifices his future for Rocky. One pours his heart out; the other shows he cares by his actions.

“Researchers say women’s friendships are face to face: They talk, cry together, share secrets,” Zaslow writes. “Men’s friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games.”

This doesn’t mean guys don’t express emotions to each other. Grace, when the mission is completed and he and Rocky are going their separate ways, feels sad in what should be a joyous moment. When Rocky asks why, Grace, in the book from which the film is adapted, says, “You’re my friend. Heck, you’re my best friend. And pretty soon we’re going to say goodbye forever.”

More boys and young men want to see male characters in caring and affectionate fatherly roles. “Today’s youth want to see boys and men portrayed on screen showing emotional connection and vulnerability and moving away from isolation and other masculine stereotypes,” according to UCLA research. They want masculinity defined by “emotional availability” and “joyful connection,” instead of the lone wolf archetype. From ages 15 to 24, men look for films with nurturing and emotionally available men, demonstrating “positive models of masculinity.”

In a culture that says holding a door open for a woman is “toxic masculinity,” young men are confused and frustrated. Gosling is helping them understand their struggles and pointing to a better path. He gives an example of masculinity in his films that is healthy, nurturing, and vulnerable. No wonder so many guys say, “He’s literally me.”

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