Daffy by Andrea Moriarty

A generous, well-researched roadmap for overwhelmed parents of special needs kids

Daffy, Andrea Moriarty’s third offering on autism parenting, is like a veteran mom showing a newbie the ropes. “I want you to feel included” forms the heart of the book, a sentiment that sets Daffy apart.

“To the mom with white knuckles, unsure if she will survive her child’s adolescence, I hope this book is proof that you will. It really does get easier. Think of it as ten women pushing you up the steepest part of the hill…”

Moriarty wants all moms to be seen, regardless of their kid’s diagnosis. This, along with her evidence-based premise that laughter is serious self-care, makes for a warmly practical read. Daffy makes a compelling argument for the value of caretaker wellness and for laughter being a cheap, accessible way to practice it.

Having raised an autistic son, Moriarty writes with hard-won authority, but she doesn’t lean exclusively on her personal experiences. One of Daffy’s strengths is that it draws from the collective wisdom of a group of veteran special needs parents called the Laughter Alliance, all of whom “have ‘been there’ and lived to laugh about it.” Although Moriarty shares generously from her own life, this is not, strictly speaking, a memoir about her time in the parenting trenches. The book’s true value comes from a broad combination of Moriarty’s research and the Laughter Alliance’s pool of wisdom.

Moriarty sets concrete goals for her reader in clear actionable prose while giving the reader permission to laugh and struggle.

“…this book will give you permission to laugh at the absurd situations we find ourselves in as moms of kids with special needs. I hereby also give you permission to get back up again when you fail. That’s how we develop resilience.”

The book’s stated goal is to prepare the reader to start her own Laughter Alliance, which Moriarty supports, chapter by chapter, through journal prompts, life hacks and recipes. Prompts like “what makes you a badass SPED mom?”are designed to make the reader smile while encouraging action, self-regard and insight, and the recipes, which Moriarty calls “edible life hacks,” can be done alone or prepared with your kid.The one for “cowboy potatoes” looks especially good.

Daffy encourages friendship and laughter, by showing readers how to “become regulars” in their communitydespite potential behavioral stresses. She tells stories about a line cook who knows her son’s order and a grocery store employee who keeps a friendly eye on her son when he wanders, little things that make a parent feel seen and supported.

Moriarty works consciously to keep her message accessible but also encouraging to the potentially overwhelmed parent: “Don’t do what I did. In a full-court press for close to thirty years, I devoted myself to my son’s progress and clearly neglected taking care of myself.” She reassures the reader that she’s been there. In fact, she is the reader, she’s just “further down the pike.”

Laughter is framed throughout as a healthy, positive alternative to overwhelm, but never in a way that invalidates the reader’s experience. Through chapters on IEPs, toileting pitfalls, triggers, meltdowns and self-medication, Moriarty acknowledges the challenges of special needs parenting while giving examples of how to “find the funny” because “if it’s bad today, it’ll be funny a year from now.”

Moriarty includes ample scientific support for laughter as well. Drawing from psychologists and research studies, Daffy makes an empirical case for laughter. Moriarty doesn’t expect the reader to take her premise on faith. From the importance of stress cycles to finding alternatives to common triggers, Moriarity acknowledges that “rescuer safety first” is a layered challenge full of trial and error and reaching for support. The final chapter offers a “Laughter Alliance Starter Kit”full of easy actionable steps to creating the kind of support network that Moriarty and her fellow Alliance members found in each other.

Moriarty creates a permission structure around parent and caregiver wellness with laughter and community at its compelling center. This book is a solid argument for “finding the funny” in everything.

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