Knitting Myself Into the Algorithm

Knitting into the Algorithm, into Infinity

Instagram insists on red light therapy, a pink plastic eye mask that glows like a ruby-geode inside, Zorro illuminated and self-conscious, afraid of aging. Each fissure chips at the issue: I am un-

afraid to die. I am just kidding. Death is a blind date, sure as Emily’s carriage is right on time. My small dog took her own ride six months ago, was picked up

by eternity. Her atoms have a kind of immortality. If matter is never created or destroyed, each white and orange hair that still sticks in the weave of a blue acrylic sweater shows something’s left.

When I knit and a long dark hair of mine twists into the yarn, I keep it there. Let me be littered into the future. Let me be threaded into its fabric, of something you wrap yourself up in to stay warm.

i have forgotten how to write and all i can do is eat.

powdered french onion soup mix makes potato chip dip. i pretend i’ll only eat the curled ones, and then finish the bag anyway. soup from last summer with roadside tomatoes from someone else’s garden. add frozen, then thawed, then squeezed spinach to every- thing, green must be good. i am trying to feed everything that is empty. remember when i aspired only to wear a whip-cream bikini? to be seen as dessert, strategically placed maraschinos glistening. i cannot undo these early mythologies. i have tried eating hearts, half-heartedly, to feel whole. chicken yakitoried ones at my first bachelorette, two hours before a wide bouncer carried me out, and i clung to his front like an infant creature. i no longer drink to forget. making anyone’s grandma’s recipe is one way to bring back the dead. now, it’s the defrosted red cherries and their aftertaste of dirt, and ask the piecrust first why dust to dust and not earth to earth? The post Knitting Myself Into the Algorithm appeared first on Electric Literature.