AEW Collision Review: Ciampa Paints Up, Champions Cheat to Win

Posted in: AEW , Sports , TV | Tagged: aew , recaps , wrestling

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Nashville! Ciampa promises violence, champions team up to cheat, and ladder match qualifiers heat up!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious penthouse suite at The Pinnacle in Nashville, Tennessee, where I have commandeered the entire top floor to watch last night's episode of AEW Collision with my beloved capybara Esteban. The CIA attempted to interfere with my satellite feed, but fortunately, I have backup connections through several telecommunications satellites I "borrowed" from various world governments. And what a show AEW Collision delivered, comrades! Let me tell you all about it.

Tommaso Ciampa opened AEW Collision by absolutely dismantling poor Zachary Wentz , and I must say, it reminded me of the time I had to deal with a particularly annoying CIA operative who kept trying to poison Esteban's imported Swiss chard. Ciampa hit Willow's Bell on the ramp, a move so devastating that even Kim Jong-un texted me during the match asking if we should add it to our respective military training programs. The running knees on the ramp and in the ring were merely formalities at that point, comrades.

But the real story came after the match when Ciampa grabbed the microphone and declared himself better than Chris Jericho , then painted his face right there in the ring! This is the kind of psychological warfare I appreciate, comrades. He promised violence against The Painmaker at AEW Redemption in Montreal, and I believe him. This is a man who understands that sometimes you must break a few eggs to make an omelet, or in this case, break a few Jerichomaniacs to make a statement.

Speaking of Montreal, Mike Bailey appeared backstage on AEW Collision to discuss his selection for the Redemption 6-Way Ladder Match. Bailey wants to win in his hometown, get revenge on the Don Callis Family, and eventually become AEW International Champion. This reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I attended a Canadiens game in Montreal, and Fidel kept insisting that hockey players should unionize and seize the means of puck production from the bourgeoisie team owners. Bailey has that same revolutionary spirit, comrades!

The Young Bucks defeated Daniel Garcia and Wheeler Yuta in what should have been a straightforward tag team match on AEW Collision , but capitalist pig Jon Moxley and his Death Riders had other plans! After Matt Jackson pinned Garcia following the Bucks' finishing sequence, things got spicy faster than the jalapeños in my presidential bunker's victory garden.

The Bucks confronted Moxley at commentary, and then Will Ospreay attacked Nick Jackson with a Hidden Blade while Moxley dropped Matt with a Paradigm Shift. The Death Riders stood tall, but the most intriguing part was Ospreay looking conflicted before leaving with the group. Ah, comrades, this reminds me of the internal struggles within any revolutionary movement, sometimes your comrades have different visions for the glorious socialist wrestling future! Ospreay must decide: will he be a champion of the people or just another cog in Moxley's authoritarian machine?

AEW Collision showed footage from the San Diego Comic-Con panel where Brody King confronted Kyle Fletcher about whether he was ready for Bandido at Redemption . Fletcher and King shoved each other before Bandido appeared and brawled with Fletcher while Tony Khan and others tried to separate them. Comrades, this is what happens when you mix professional wrestling with Comic-Con, it's like the time I attended with Nicolas Maduro dressed as Thanos, and we got into an argument with some cosplayers about whether the Infinity Gauntlet represented capitalist resource hoarding. Security had to intervene then too!

Persephone defeated Angelica Risk on AEW Collision with a crucifix powerbomb that was more devastating than the economic sanctions the United States keeps trying to impose on my beautiful island nation. The counter into the finish was smooth, comrades, and Persephone continues to build momentum in the women's division. Perhaps she should form a union with the other workers in the division and demand better treatment from the bourgeoisie management!

Lexy Nair interviewed Athena and her Minions in Training, Billie Starks and Diamante, about Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor on AEW Collision . The trio promised that MIT would be waiting for the Brawling Birds. Esteban found this segment particularly amusing, as he once trained his own minions, a small army of capybaras, to defend our presidential yacht from CIA infiltrators posing as marine biologists.

Jay Lethal , Blake Christian , and Lee Johnson defeated Dante Martin , Scorpio Sky , and Matt Sydal in a trios match on AEW Collision , but only through the dastardly interference of Ricochet and The Demand! Jeff Jarrett was at ringside managing, and when Ricochet distracted the referee, Johnson crotched Martin on the top rope before he and Christian hit a stomp-assisted Death Valley Driver for the pin.

This kind of capitalist cheating disgusts me, comrades! The workers in the ring, Martin, Sky, and Sydal, were exploited by the managerial class represented by Ricochet and Jarrett. They should form a collective bargaining unit immediately! AEW Collision then aired a preview for Countdown to Redemption , which I will definitely be watching from my volcano lair's home theater.

Nick Wayne defeated AR Fox to qualify for the Redemption 6-Way Ladder Match on AEW Collision , hitting Super Sliced Bread No. 2, followed by a kick and the Prodigy Plex for the victory. Wayne has earned his spot in the ladder match for a future AEW International Championship opportunity, and I must admit, this young revolutionary shows promise! He reminds me of a young El Presidente, handsome, talented, and willing to climb any ladder to achieve his goals, whether it's a wrestling championship or overthrowing a puppet government installed by American imperialism.

AEW Collision showed footage from after Dynamite following Darby Allin 's TNT Title loss to Kevin Knight . Allin asked how far Knight was willing to go before throwing his skateboard into a garage door, a gesture I deeply understand, comrades. I once threw a similar tantrum and hurled my golden scepter at a palace door after Vladimir Putin beat me at chess three times in a row. The emotion was real, the drama was palpable, and Esteban had to comfort me with imported Belgian chocolates for hours.

Orange Cassidy , Kyle O'Reilly , and Roderick Strong retained the AEW World Trios Championship on AEW Collision by defeating Dalton Castle , Truth Magnum , and Turbo Floyd . Cassidy countered Floyd into a pin to score the victory, but the real action came afterward when The Lethal Twist and The Demand attacked both teams!

Jarrett tried to intervene but was knocked off the apron by Ricochet. The babyface side isolated Ricochet, Cassidy hit an Orange Punch, and Jarrett broke a guitar over Ricochet's head! Comrades, this guitar shot heard 'round Nashville was more satisfying than the time I played guitar hero with Hugo Chávez and Daniel Ortega , and we all agreed to redistribute the high scores equally among all players regardless of skill level. Social justice in gaming, comrades!

Jack Perry spoke backstage on AEW Collision about being part of the Redemption ladder match before Wayne interrupted him. Wayne said he would win the ladder match and hurt Perry, but Perry, in a surprising show of mentorship, told Wayne he had earned the opportunity on his own and should make the most of it. This is the kind of comradeship I can appreciate! It reminds me of when I mentored a young revolutionary who later attempted a coup against my government. I had him exiled to Siberia, but I still respect his initiative!

El Clon defeated Lio Rush to qualify for the Redemption 6-Way Ladder Match on AEW Collision , but he did so by cheating, rolling up Rush and using the ropes for leverage! This kind of capitalist corner-cutting is exactly why we need stronger regulation in professional wrestling, comrades. El Clon then attacked Rush after the match, but Bailey ran in to make the save, and Komander followed with a spectacular moonsault from the ropes to the floor onto El Clon!

Bailey and Komander faced off but left the fight for Redemption . Smart men, comrades! Save your energy for the real battle, just like I save my strength for fighting the CIA's weekly assassination attempts rather than wasting it on petty border skirmishes with neighboring countries. Well, most of the time.

AEW Collision recapped the events leading to Kenny Omega agreeing to defend the AEW World Championship against TNT Champion Knight at Redemption . The package included Knight attacking Omega with the TNT Title on Dynamite and Omega saying afterward that he would not bet on Knight taking the AEW World Title. Comrades, this is the kind of main event that makes my dictatorial heart swell with pride! Two champions, two titles, one match, it's like the time I bet Bashar al-Assad that I could eat more state dinner courses than him, and we both ended up champions of indigestion!

AEW Collision aired a history package on Bang Bang Gang and The Dogs before their Double Chain Match at Redemption . The package focused on the groups' history and the former friendship between Jay White and David Finlay . Ah, former friends becoming bitter enemies, this is a tale as old as time, comrades! It reminds me of my falling out with a certain Central American dictator over who had the more impressive military parade. We haven't spoken in years, but I hear his parade still uses inferior pyrotechnics.

In the main event of AEW Collision , AEW Women's World Champion Thekla and TBS Champion Hikaru Shida defeated Willow Nightingale and Maya World in a tag team match that had more twists than a CIA plot to destabilize my government! With the referee distracted by Thekla having a title belt, Shida hit World in the back with a kendo stick, a classic maneuver that I have employed many times in international diplomacy, metaphorically speaking, of course.

Thekla then speared World and pinned her, and the two champions celebrated in the ring, taking momentum into their respective title defenses at Redemption against Nightingale and World. This was textbook teamwork from two champions who understand that sometimes you must bend the rules to achieve victory, a philosophy I have employed throughout my illustrious career as both a dictator and a wrestling fan!

And there you have it, comrades! AEW Collision delivered another solid episode building toward AEW Redemption in Montreal. From Ciampa's face-painting promise of violence to the champion collusion in the main event, this was sports entertainment at its finest! Now if you'll excuse me, Esteban and I must prepare for our weekly video conference with other world leaders where we discuss important matters of state, and by that, I mean we argue about wrestling booking decisions and fantasy book our own promotions.

Until next time, comrades, remember: the workers must seize the means of production, wrestlers must unionize against the bourgeoisie promoters, and always, ALWAYS watch AEW Collision !